Friday, June 5, 2015

Oh no. Technophobia. Even the machines hate me.

I have just spent over an hour trouble-shooting an audio problem on my computer. Now, as will shortly be revealed, like most retired theoretical astrophysicists I am not the most practical person on this or probably any other planet, and in an attempt to compensate I try to be at least methodical when such issues crop up.


1. Check jack is firmly inserted into hole on tower with headphone symbol.

2. Check other jack is firmly inserted in headphones.

3. Check media player is not muted.

4. Try a different media player.

5. Fuck about endlessly starting from the Control Panel and wandering and winding down paths I never knew existed for an hour and give up.

6. Shout about fucking Microsoft and how everything was much simpler in the days of VMS and record players.

7. Make executive decision to listen to music on iPhone instead.

8. Remove jack from tower.

9. Attempt to plug jack into iPhone but discover port already filled with jack.

10. Follow wire from jack in iPhone and discover it terminates at headphones currently perched on head.

11. Discover jack previously in tower attached to back-up iPhone.

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